CHAPTER 6
About two years before my conversion I had a vision in the middle of the night. During a deep sleep, laying next to my wife, Kathy, I was suddenly woken up and found myself in a kneeling position in bed.
At the time I didn’t know what was going on, but today I am reminded of Philippians 2:11:
At the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth.
I wasn’t sure what was going on. At first, I was nervous and wondered if I was having an insulin reaction. Then a bright light encompassing a human form appeared at the foot of the bed. It was no more than seven or eight feet away. There was no defined face or body, just a bright white figure with white rays radiating from it. The light was so bright, it was as if it were a million candlepower… and yet I didn’t feel the need to shield my eyes, nor was I fearful. It was glowing in the room so brightly, I was surprised Kathy didn’t wake up. (She is not a sound sleeper by any means and wakes up every time I snore.) But she didn’t even move and missed out on what I was experiencing.
My entire being understood that I was in the presence of the Glorified Christ. Even my body knew to be attentive by the position that I woke up in. My mind went blank and I was at a loss for words. I wondered if I should say something, but thought I would be a better listener. Then Jesus brought me to the Upper Room. I was with Jesus and the 12 Apostles at the Last Supper. They were relaxed around the table. This experience lasted only a moment then was gone, and with it, the radiating figure faded away.
I felt an intense sense of peace.
The next day I told Kathy what happened. I recalled trying to figure out what Christ wanted of me, or what I could do for Him.
I wish I had written down what happened immediately afterwards, but I didn’t. It was four or five years later before I even consider writing it down. Much information and thoughts were lost in waiting for so long. I don’t remember anything that was said by the Apostles or Jesus but the experience stayed with me.
Time went by and I forgot about the event. Then 2 or 3 months later the same thing happened again.
I was woken from sleep and the bright light encompassing the human form appeared; again, I believed it to be the Glorified Christ. And again, no words are spoken, the only conversation was in thought and mind. And, for the second time I forgot to write anything down afterward but I was filled with a great sense of awe and peace.
Again, I told Kathy, but no one else. I didn’t even seek help from a spiritual advisor; I wasn’t comfortable talking about it to a priest yet. But I did feel at peace about these visions, and was humbled by the experiences because I realized I had been experiencing something that most people never will.
Then I begin to wonder, “Why me?”
For a second time the encounter faded from memory. And, although I truly enjoyed the times that I was visited by Jesus, I felt deep down that God desired more from me than just the consolations of these holy encounters. I just didn’t know what that was.
Months later for a third time, the white light began to appear in front of me and the radiance filled the room. Time was suspended and my soul was flooded with peace. Everything was absolutely resplendent.
For the third time I was presented with the vision of Jesus and His Apostles in the Upper Room.. But, this time was different. I got to meet them and interact with them. No names were exchanged, just a feeling of brotherhood, fellowship and joy.
Jesus stood before me and asked if I would be one of His apostles.
Then all the apostles put their arms up and began to celebrate as if I already accepted the invitation to join them.
I didn’t.
I got nervous, scared; I felt unworthy. The image faded but the Glorified Christ was still with me in the room. I asked if He had the right Jerry Peterson? I said there was another Jerry Peterson, a deacon. Maybe He had the wrong one; we are often mistaken for one another.
A lot of things quickly ran through my mind.
If I said yes, my first thought was that I’d have to travel the world evangelizing like Billy Graham. That was not me! I was also worried I would have to leave Kathy and the girls. I was reminded of words of Moses’s wife in the movie The Ten Commandments: “I lost him when he found his God.”
The light disappeared; I was alone in bed with Kathy. I was so disappointed in myself for not saying yes to Christ, for not having faith in Him.
At this point in my life, I was a cradle Catholic without a real relationship with Jesus. I only went to church on Sundays because I had to. I never wanted to be involved in any ministry and never wanted to learn any more about my faith, or volunteer for church stuff. I was an introvert, not comfortable speaking to others about anything. I just lived my quiet sinful life for myself.
After the radiant Jesus left my room I felt like Peter when he denied Jesus three times. How horrible Peter must have felt. I only rejected Him once and was absolutely devastated. There are still times that I breakdown in tears when I think about it. I felt so guilty, but I didn’t understand how the process of becoming an apostle would work. I didn’t have trust in the Lord.
Days later the denial was still on my mind. I wish I had just said yes and let God lead me in the direction He had planned for me. But I couldn’t go back; the divine invitation was in the past and there were no indications that Jesus would return.
It weighed so much on my mind that I shared the experience with Kathy and asked her if she thought God would give me a second chance. Kathy said, “That’s what God is all about, second chances”.
So, in my mind I told God, “YES!”
Until next time, I leave you with two Scripture quotes to pray with:
I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness of what you have seen [of Me] and what you will be shown. I shall deliver you from this people and from the Gentiles to whom I send you, to open their eyes that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may obtain forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been consecrated by faith in Me.’
Acts 26: 16b-18
We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose. For those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined He also called; and those He called He also justified; and those He justified He also glorified.
Romans 8:28-30
Your brother in Christ,
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