CHAPTER 5 — Wifey Interrupts again...
My inner voice said, “What did YOU make for dinner?”
Praise God those words never left my brain to fly out of my mouth and into an air of desolation that the Lord wanted me to experience. (In all honesty, I can only say that after 30 years of reflection.)
My heart was pierced; my soul crushed. I could feel the wall that once guarded my heart from human hurt begin to rebuild.
Jerry asking what was dinner was part of our normal routine. He had no idea that what I just experienced would profoundly change our lives. I mean, how could he? I was still reflecting on what everything meant.
In my frustration, I prayed, “God, why would You allow me to experience such a beautiful weekend yet not give me anyone to share it with?”
After unpacking from the conference weekend and fixing my makeup after quietly crying, I went to see what was for dinner. I forced the weekend out of my mind and attended to my family. All would be back to normal.
There was a problem though… God had profoundly touched my soul. I finally knew how desperately and unconditionally He loved me. And the Holy Spirit stirred in me a desire to return this love – as poorly as I knew how.
This was my new normal; I couldn’t go back… wouldn’t go back. The Holy Spirit had moved into my heart and I wasn’t about to evict Him.
It was a scary and confusing time. Navigating this change would certainly not come easy for our marriage.
Jerry was not interested in joining me on this faith journey; he had his own issues to deal with – which were not insignificant. This was very difficult for both of us. We had to make peace with the fact that our journeys of faith would be very different.
Our timelines were not in sync and were quite divergent.
My only recourse was to pray for a miracle. This miracle would take much more time than I could ever imagine – spoiler alert: it would be 15 years of prayer.
Thus, a chasm grew between us. I began to worry that at some point it would grow too large for any bridge to span.
During this time in our marriage, we were raising two children in a small town in the country. We had a home on 10 acres and were drawn to a self-sustaining lifestyle. During our first year in the country, we tilled a huge garden, bought pigs and goats, boarded a horse down the street, hunted, fished, and canned.
We also homeschooled our children. Public school was not an option for us; Catholic school was too expensive. The unexpected grace in this choice was the friendships we made through the local Catholic homeschool group.
Our local Catholic Church became a sanctuary of sorts for me. I dove in head first, getting involved in CCD, youth group, and Bible studies. God slowly drew me into the heart of church life. He surrounded the girls and me with wonderful faithful friends – from both the homeschool group and our parish family.
Jerry’s life was quite different. He was working very hard on second shift putting in a lot of overtime to make ends meet. Our schedules didn’t allow for much time together, nor did he have room for non-work-related events on his calendar. This left him out of any parish or homeschool gatherings and, by default, was unable to nurture the holy friendships God was offering.
The chasm was getting wider.
(In retrospect, my journey was causing him to be isolated; my heart breaks when I think about it today.)
So you don’t think we were headed for divorce.. our marriage was solid. We never fought and had so much in common; truly enjoying. Faith was the one area where we didn’t share common ground. It was becoming more and more important to me, and I wanted so badly to share it with him.
Each week I begged him to go to Mass; each week Jerry kindly declined. My pastor admonished me to quit nagging and let the Holy Spirit do the work.
It was God who infused me with hope and kept me from despair. My heart pleaded with Him to provide a clear path for Jerry; to introduce him to someone who could journey with him. (Instead of nagging my husband, I was micromanaging the Creator of the universe.🤦🏻♀️)
But, after a few years, Jerry was able to move from second to first shift. Opportunities for us to share faith and friends did not go unnoticed to me. He started to join us for Mass and even events at our parish. Hope.
Could it be that the chasm was shrinking?
It would be 15 – yes, fifteen – years before this question would be answered.
Please pray for me as I pray for you.
◀ CH 4 | CH 6 ▶