As a result of this, many of His disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied Him.

John 6:66

Every year during the Third Week of Easter we reflect on the “Bread of Life Discourse” in the Gospels at Mass.

This morning I was praying with John 6:60-69 and was stopped at the scripture verse above. Not because the number of the verse was 6:66, although that’s pretty significant.  No, the Holy Spirit wanted me to focus on the word “former“.

In the context of this verse, some of Jesus’s followers found His recent teaching to be too much.  Just moments before, the Lord said:

Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day.

John 6:54

A line was crossed. I can hear them thinking… Eat Jesus? That’s a hard pass.

They ditched the Savior, went home, and returned to their old lives. These fickle friends gave up all they learned, disregarded the miracles they witnessed, and broke off relationships with the Lord and His faithful disciples.

There’s quite a bit that could be unpecked, but the Holy Spirit was inviting me to go deeper and make this personal.

Do I ever consider something Jesus said to be difficult, drawing my own line not to be crossed?

I don’t smoke, watch porn, get drunk, sleep around. I’m not pro-choice or vote against life issues. I give my time to the church, attend Mass when I’m supposed to, and have a spiritual director.

And, I certainly have no desire to relive my 20s. Going home to mom & dad’s just isn’t an option.

So, what could the Holy Spirit possibly be asking me to consider?

I believe it’s much more nuanced.

Am I making progress in the spiritual life? Answering the Lord’s call so spend time with Him each day? Practicing mortification, not Da Vinci Code Paul Bettany style but small acts of sacrifice for others? Do I attend Mass more that what is catholic-required. Do I sit with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament in a regular committed Holy Hour?

These are all things that the Lord has placed on my heart. Some, I do. Others, I think about and then wave away because I don’t feel like it; and I can come up with some really good excuses. Although, God knows they’re lame.

In this way, I am like those disciples who said,

“This is saying is hard; who can accept it?

John 6:60

Whatever thing which I find difficult,  inconvenient, or annoying, I often dismiss.

To those fickle friends, Jesus said,

“Does this shock you”?

John 6:61

To me, He says,

You knew this wouldn’t be easy, yet you chose this life because you said you love Me. Do you not mean it?  I want to draw you deeper. I desire you and all your flaws. Just come a little closer each day and trust in Me.

If I’m not moving closer to the Lord each day then I’m moving away from Him. There is no standing still in the spiritual life.

While the unbelieving disciples chose to deny Christ by rejecting His teaching on the Eucharist, my form of turning away from Jesus is this:

I simply don’t do things that I find to be an inconvenience or a distraction from my current activity of choice… which lately seems to involve holding my cell phone (Ironic, since I’m writing this post on it.)

Only with grace can I ever hope to gain mastery over my earthly desires. That, and a life-long prayer for an increase in faith. Because… when Jesus asks if I too want to leave Him, my response will be as Peter:

Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

John 6:68

Please pray for me as I pray for you.