Take Her to Olive Garden
[read the next few lines in your best Michael Bolton voice]
“When a man loves a woman,
Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else,
He’d trade the world
For a good thing he’s found”
I’d add:
“he does stupid things to make himself look good”
… but that just doesn’t rhyme
Jerry, my husband – who is not a stupid man, and I took up kayaking last summer. Being on the water has brought a peace that I just cannot explain. It’s no wonder that Jesus called fishermen to be His apostles – they already knew the peace of ‘some high quality H2O’.
Last week we went kayaking at Presque Isle with my brother-in-law. While the men were fishing, I was jut enjoying the sun and waves. We were out on one of the busiest days of the summer. Temps were in the upper 80s, the winds were calm, and the first day of a long 4th of July weekend. The bay was extremely busy, filled with sailboats, wave runners, and tons of kayakers.
It was also filled with stupid people.
One young man in particular appeared to be very much in love and obviously wanted to make himself ‘look good’. He decided to demonstrate his love by taking his girl out on the water like something out of a Jane Austen novel. The gentleman took her by the hand and gently led her into the canoe where a paddle awaited her. He pushed off from the land and the two began to paddle into the busy bay.
As I was basking in the sun remaining vigilant with my busy surroundings, my eye caught the sweet sight of the two lovers. It was a scene worthy of an artist’s painting.
That Monet moment didn’t last.
You see, no matter what the visual might indicate, voices over water carry and tell a different story.
The young man began to scold his young lady. The scolding only became harsher, louder, and more dramatic the further from shore they paddled.
The gentleness of the gentleman began to fade.
The reason for the young man’s shouting became more apparent as they approached our little group. Their canoe was getting into busy waters when he realized that she had been paddling backwards and with great difficulty which caused the canoe to become unstable in the rolling waves.
HE SAT HER IN THE CANOE IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
IT’S A CANOE, NOT A ROWBOAT.
It can be scary enough the first time out on the open water, especially on a crowded day.
It’s even scarier when you’re getting yelled at while to turning yourself around in a rocky canoe with the entire bay looking your way.
Because… voices carry.
My heart went out to her. Not only was she put in a dangerous situation, but the young man took his anger out on her because of his own foolishness.
But, the young lady was able to smile through it all as she got herself properly situated.
As the young man settled himself down, his lack of water etiquette became even more evident as his paddling prowess slid between our little group, coming within feet of my kayak.
Then, the comedy of errors had reached the pinnacle.
The young man had been paddling while holding a pipe in his teeth trying to look the gentleman he was not.
It took everything I had to stifle a laugh as I said, “I love the smell of a pipe on the water.”
The young lady looked at me as she sailed by, rolled her eyes, and replied, “Me too.” Which was really girl code for, this guy is an ass and I don’t want to be here.
Moral of the story:
Real men don’t yell at women.
Real men take responsibility.
Real men protect women.
Next time take her to Olive Garden where smoking is prohibited and someone else will seat her properly.
Oh, and don’t yell on the water.
[read in your best ‘Til Tuesday voice]
Hush, hush
Keep it down now
Voices carry
Pray for me and this guy… and pray for the girl… pray for everyone dating actually.
