Gratitude in the Midst of Depression

Someone, anyone, tell me how to show authentic gratitude while in a state of depression.

Go ahead. I’m listening…

Please don’t tell me to, “Pray that God will lift the depression,” “Just tell Jesus only one thing you’re grateful for,” or “God knows how you feel.”

I’ve told others these same things.

Intellectually I know these statements to be true.

But, today I feel a shame attached to this gratitude… as if they are empty words and I don’t mean them. Like, I’m just going through the motions.

Then, sadness hits.

Sadness because I can’t ‘snap out of it’.

Sadness because I don’t deserve a God who loves me in spite of my flaws and weaknesses.

Sadness because I know there is beauty all around me. I just witnessed it a few hours ago. What happened?

I’m frustrating because I can’t control the depression.

And then, I remember that it is truly okay to feel this way. God knows what is in my heart and that this is a difficult place to be. There is no shame in sadness. Shame does not come from the Lord.

Shame is the lie that I AM my depression. Shame says, I deserve the depression. Shame is a demon of false guilt, planting seeds of unworthiness. Shame says, “You’re sad because you’re unlovable.”

To hell with shame!

The truth is that I can ask God to lift the depression. I can pray that He gives me strength to hang on until the sadness passes. I can take my meds. I can get up and move. I can pet Monica. I can let my husband hold me. I can share this truth in a blog post.

I don’t know when God will allow this fog of depression to be lifted. I’m sure there is something He wants me to learn… my littleness, detachment from control, a greater empathy for others with mental health issues.

In any case, I am grateful for my faith, and for a God who adores this fragile daughter.

Pray for me as I pray for you… and all those struggling with depression.

4 comments