God Works Through Broken Wings

I did it.

I can’t blame anyone else.

I moved the step to our high bed and forgot to move it back.

I misstepped on the misplaced step and fell hard on the floor.

I broke my wrist.

The fall happened so quickly, I wasn’t able to tell the ER nurse how I landed when she asked. I only knew that the wrist on my right hand shouldn’t have a 2″ raised lump, and it’s shape certainly didn’t match the wrist on my left.

X-rays of the mangled appendage showed it was broken. I was sent home in a splint to be later cast but the lessons on humility began immediately. The ER staff all commented how lucky it was that I am left handed. Agreed.

A very dear friend checks in with me each day:

How’s the wing, Kathleen?

There is a temptation to cite the physiological changes, but this is such a limiting mindset.

Rather, I’ve begun to use this as a reflection to take into prayer. I’m learning a lot about myself, how I view tribulations, and what I do with suffering.

On the surface (and only four days in), my observations are…

• I can sign my name, but can’t pull my passenger door shut.
• I can sponge bath my right side but my left armpit won’t be shaved for many weeks.
• I can make a sandwich but not a salad.
• I get nauseous from the meds but can offer up the pain.

When I take this reflection on my “broken wing’ to prayer, everything changes.

The most important and rewarding parts of this adventure (as I will refer to it from now on) is the ability to slow down and recognize the opportunities to ask for help.

Slowing down and asking for help are not in my nature…

because, pride.

Pride in doing things myself, and in doing lots of things to prove my worth.

I bought the lie many years ago that my value is based on what I can do, the quality of work I produce, and the effort I extend to a given project.

Packaged with this mindset are the following functions:

• Arrive early to work.
• Be the last to leave.
• Multi-task.
• Add new projects & events every year.
• Never, ever ask for help – it shows weakness.

It’s a very selfish and self-centered path to the top (wherever that is & whatever that means).

It’s also a recipe for burnout.

I’ve written about burnout in the past which brought me, quite literally, to my knees. But, that horse is dead so I won’t beat here.

After a few years of stillness and healing I was able to see myself as God sees me and recognize the truth that I was created good and beautiful.

My worth has nothing to do with what I do, but is rooted in Whose I am.

So, now I’m faced with a new challenge.

In the past I busied myself with worldly things, fixating on the future, and focused too much on past wounds.

But, God isn’t there. He is in the present. He is with me now. He has a plan for me.

This down time is a blessing – but only if I approach it as such. Bingeing “Gossip Girl” and whining about aches and these temporary limitations are a waste of time and grace – not to mention sinful.

Instead, reading and reflecting on those things that lead to holiness are an invitation that has been offered, and I hope to choose them moment by moment.

As for the pain and inconvenience…

I’m not good at ‘giving things up’, but I can accept this pain and offer it for others. There is joy in knowing it will not go to waste. God uses everything. Even our brokenness is beautiful!

The key is shifting the paradigm from patient to pray’er, sufferer to servant, hardship to humbled.

Yes, the wing is fractured – as they say, “it is what it is”. 

You have your own fractures.

We all do. If we can step back and take a bird’s-eye view of life, we’ll realize that a broken arm is so minute in relation to all of salvation history. Our little offerings can bring great blessings if we are able to look outside ourselves, consider the greater picture, and be willing to accept the opportunity to participate in God’s grace.

If you have a special request please put it in the comments and I will include your intention as I “offer it up”.

Please pray for me as I pray for you!

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