Dangerous Day Dreaming

Without a to-do list I can find myself caught up in the creative world called my mind. I find it relatively easy to enter into imagination with prompts such as:

• What if…
• How cool would it be…
• I’d love to…

My thoughts wind up down a bottomless rabbit hole of possibilities.

When I finally ‘snap to’ I’ve lost track of time and end up feeling guilty for wasting it. I also end up dreading whatever I’m supposed to be doing because the task, person, or even prayer took me away from my day dreaming.

After that reflection, I feel ickily selfish. 🤢

While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be prepared, there is an obvious danger of spending too much time fantasizing about the future.

Once again, bear with me as I thread the needle God placed on my heart to share…

Recently, I deleted a few apps from my phone: Zillow, Trulia, and Realtor.com.

This is actually the second time I’ve done this. Once, I gave up social media and playing on my phone for Lent. After those 40 days, my home screen was full once again with unnecessary apps, hours wasted, and bloodshot eyes.

Lately, Hubby and I have been discussing on how to prepare for retirement. We live in the north east; each year the winters take a greater toll on us – physically and mentally. Our goal (day dream) is to retire in Florida.

A novel idea, I know.

Those housing apps returned to my handhelds. I rationalized that hubby and I need know where we were going to live upon retirement. It’s the smart thing to do. It’s fiscally responsible.

It’s a time-suck.

Each evening I would get lost in the world of virtual real-estate, tweaking filters, scanning through neighborhoods, comparing HOA agreements, allowing my mind to wander from the Space-coast to the Gulf coast.

• How close can we safely live to the water?
• Do we want to dock a boat or trailer a boat? (we don’t own a boat)
• Where’s the best area to dive for lobster?

These questions led to more questions. The research kept me up late at night scrolling while in bed. Staring at the screen hurt my wide eyes but I was absolutely mesmerized by possibilities. When hubby was ready for sleep he would ask if I wanted to pray with him. Feeling snapped out of a trance, I’d say, “No, I’m too tired.”

My beautiful deacon hubby, so patient with my selfishness, would lean over, give me a blessing then kiss goodnight. I would close my tablet and roll over while he prayed.

I warned you I was selfish.

Over the last few weeks I realized that my ‘retirement preparation’ was actually telling God that my search for a future home – that might not even be in His plans – was more important than my relationship with Him.

I allowed my day dreaming desires to keep me from living in the present. ‘Research’ became an addiction to control the future.

Praise God for this realization. It’s helped me to not only delete the apps and stop planning for a time that might not come about the way I’d like, but to pray for clarity on why I became so fixated.

I’m still figuring that last part out, but the Holy Spirit has helped me to detach from future thinking. Instead, I’m convicted to live and enjoy those precious present moments, gifts from our Creator that are so fleeting.

A lack of trusting God for future needs may be part of my weakness. To think that I don’t trust Him stings – that, in itself is an affirmation that I need to figure this out with my spiritual director.

One more hurdle to remain on the path along the narrow way.

Please pray for me as I pray for you!